Looking In the Mirror

Sorry in advance for the introspective post, but I wanted to talk about where my creative energy comes from. This is a post that I have been thinking of writing for some time, but I’ve always hesitated — what would people think? I’ve finally decided to take the risk.

For me, creative work such as photography draws its energy from a lack of emotional equilibrium, either of the present or of the past. When I’m having to deal with something and my thoughts/feelings are jumbled, the work  seems to flow easily. When “life is beautiful” the well of energy and ideas can often dry out.

One motivation or source of creative energy I’m (at the very least) conflicted over is my need for feedback and attention. As an introvert and a loner for much of my life, my art is a way of screaming “I’m here, don’t ignore me!” It provides me with a lot of energy, but it is definitely a two-edged sword.

There’s more, but that’s enough for now.

Adox CMS 20001
Scrollwork Detail in Guild Park
(Leica IIIf, Jupiter 8 lens, Adox CMS 20 film at I.E. 20, Adotech developer)

2 thoughts on “Looking In the Mirror

  1. No need to apologize, John.

    I wonder if the “focusing” you do in taking photos is a metaphorical replacement for the lack of focus in life during those emotionally unsettled times… and when things are humming along smoothly, there’s no need to bring anything into focus.

    Also, don’t feel conflicted over wanting external validation – introverts process information differently from extroverts, more reflectively and without needing (or tolerating well) frequent external stimulation from social interactions, but that doesn’t mean we (yes, I have a strong streak of introversion too 🙂 ) don’t care about being appreciated (quietly) for what we do or create.

    Nice image, by the way – I like how the shallow depth of field brings out the texture of the protruding feature, with the fore- and background blurred/out of focus (hope it wasn’t acheived through a seriously unsettled time for you…)


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